I continue to be impressed by the phlebotomists, the skilled job with the scary name. They make being stabbed with a needle almost worth looking at. I still look away at the "just a pinch" moment, but they make it so "clean" and I'm getting so accustomed that I'm resolved next time to peek.
My habit has been to look away whenever the needle goes in. Turning my head desperately to distract myself. Usually this involves pretending that the doctor's office is actually an exotic aviary filled with rare birds, like this:
CHEMO BIRDS: HOW TO DISTRACT YOURSELF FROM NEEDLES:
PRETEND TO HAVE SPOTTED A RARE BIRD
Black Nosed Ear Looker
Its conical beak is known as the speculum.
The juvenile Black Nosed Ear Looker has a 2.75mm speculum, which is later shed, and the 4.25mm speculum emerges at adulthood.
Highly adapted to its ecological niche, the Black Nosed Ear Looker feeds entirely on a diet of mammalian ear wax.
Latin name: otoscope.
Photo: A Black Nosed Ear Looker and her nesting young.
Red Nested Sharp
Birds of the Sharp family are almost entirely translucent, except for their long, needlelike nose, and the black internal diaphragm that is visible through their graduated thorax. Long bred for their use in the medical industry, Sharps are extinct in the wild.
Domesticated Sharps may develop internal bubbles. Trained handlers then coax the Sharps into regurgitating the air by rapping with a finger-flick at short intervals.
Sharps of widely-different varieties may be found sharing the same red, box-like nest.
Their plunger-like tail typically has an x-shaped cross section and a circular tip.
Some Sharps, like their distant cousins, the Vampire Bats, are known to draw blood. Others inject anesthetizing fluid which allows them to insert their proboscis and have it remain in place largely unnoticed by their animal hosts.
Their plunger-like tail typically has an x-shaped cross section and a circular tip.
Some Sharps, like their distant cousins, the Vampire Bats, are known to draw blood. Others inject anesthetizing fluid which allows them to insert their proboscis and have it remain in place largely unnoticed by their animal hosts.
Photo: a gloved ornithologist returns a Red Nested Sharp to its nesting box.
Velcro Collared Constrictor (Dial Faced Constrictor)
Easily recognized from its round, clock-like face and pendulous, bulb-like beard, the Velcro-Collard Constrictor is an invasive species, now widely-spread in North America since its release in the 1960s.
First identified by German-Irish scientist, Sigmund O'Mometer, the Constrictor is highly prized for its ability to wrap itself around a human arm and cut of the blood supply and separately measure the pressure at which this occurs and the pressure at which flow resumes.
Typically a wall-nesting bird, it can often be found between the air and vacuum lines and the staff call button or cord.
Latin name: sphygmomanometer murata
Screen Faced Bower Bird
Caption: Screen Faced Bower Bird (or Screen-Faced Constrictor) shown perched above its nest in which it has collected blue objects, similar to the Male Satin Bowerbird.
Also known as the Dial-Faced Bowerbird, it is a close cousin to the Satin Bowerbird. As with the Satin Bowerbird, the male collects blue objects to decorate its basket-like nest. The favored blue objects include latex gloves and Welch-Allyn instruction manuals.
Highly migratory, the Velcro Collard Constrictor is known to wheel its nest short distances up to 10 times a day
Rubber Crested Plessor / Red Mallet / Purple Mallet
The Rubber Crested Plessor was once widespread in North America, but is now rare. Identifiable by its triangular head and swift, darting motion, it interacted easily with humans and initially thrived in urbanizing areas. For reasons that are not entirely understood, it is no longer widely seen, but has been known to nest in drawers.
Latin: plessor rubris
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