Lyrical: Thanks for the Vitamix

My "bruised hip" feeling is much-diminished this morning. I will bike to work.

Meanwhile...Mrs Blogger received a Vitamix from her family for her birthday. I took the hint. This robbed me of an excuse for not getting enough greens, and introduced me to the world of bitter liquifactional politics.

Most "cancer diet" books agree* on things Vitamixers like: more greens and some berries in moderation (and differ bitterly/hilariously on coffee and fruits and much else).

All diets agree on eliminating grain-based carbs, which I removed from my diet 2 months ago. While I'm not known for my willpower, I'm really good at visualization.  This is how I removed carbs from my diet: When you tear open that snack-size bag of Fritos, and pop the first chip in your mouth, what I see is you pulling the pin on a hand-grenade and biting down on the shank.  Enjoy your meal. You're welcome.

The upshot? I'm out-Vitamixing her about 4 to 1.  Favorite concoctions include:

• Chard Remains
• Kale Freezes Over
• Cilantropy
• What the Buckwheat**
• Coconut Milk of Magnesia

Delish.

*Please promise yourself that you won't send me a regime book that allowed a lady in Germany to live cancer free after the doctors said she was terminal.  She probably did something diametrically opposed to the thing that allowed a guy in Chicago to live cancer free after his doctors said he was terminal (as described in his book), and I have no way of resolving that paradox without hurting your feelings, and would rather save my paradox-resolution for mystical things like the Hypostatic Union, whether evil has objective reality, Relativistic travel, or light's particle/wave dichotomy, all of which I find much more relaxing.

So far, my beloveds have introduced me to at least 4 competing/conflicting diets:

Alkalizing 
stressing high mineral content (dark leafy greens) & baking soda
"Cancer can't grow if your body is high pH"

Anti-Angiogenic 
foods that deter new blood supply to growing tumors
"Cancer can't grow if your body won't give it new blood supply"

Ketosis
80% of calories from fat
"Cancer likes insulin spikes and serum glucose; can't grow if your body is burning fat (ketosis)"

Hemp in all Forms (leaf, oil, seed, & smoke)
Because, you know, Marijuana
"Cancer, like most things, gets better with Marijuana"

These disagree on a whole lot (mechanisms of cancer, mechanisms of cure), but all agree that red meat is bad and vegetables are good.

**Buckwheat isn't Wheat Wheat, apparently. Just like Sweet Potatoes aren't Potatoes or sweet (to some).